The other day my friend responded to an email I’d sent with the simple words, “What can I say? .. your honesty and humble approach blows my mind! You are so aware of your own behaviour and why you react in certain ways.” The statement is true, fundamentally I have come to learn that lying to myself is one of the biggest waste’s of time imaginable.
I am sitting here tonight underlining pages in a new book I recently purchased, “The Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God“. I am 4 pages in and already it’s like the author is speaking to me. I found myself asking “So you mean this is normal? And there is a cure? There’s nothing wrong with me?”
I considered how to respond to this and whether or not to share it. Exposing why it means so much to me is to expose myself and the inner state of my heart.
I then asked myself, “But what would the point be of pretending that life was different? That I felt any different?”
Keeping up such a facade is surely a waste of time, and pretending that I have it all together – how does that help anyone? Then I thought, ‘What if someone read my blog and came up to me wanting to talk about these things, would that be awkward?’ My response was “Pretending to be anything other than what you are is awkward”
When I started my business in Personal Development, I felt like I had to have it all together. I felt like I had to show a solid front, but I was far from this. I am not sure how I really ever came across, but if you got close enough you’d definitely hear my insecurities. Pretending to have it all together was the most exhausting, distracting and destructive thing I have ever done. In fact, it is one of the reasons why I came out of the profession. Trying to present myself as an attractive product – in the way I looked and the way I presented my knowledge, was a futile task with few rewards. I simply burnt myself out until I came to the point that all I wanted to do was hide. I spent 4 months going to work in trainers, jeans and a t-shirt. I gave little care to being ‘fashionable’, because that is how I felt and I didn’t need the stress of pretending other wise. I didn’t care, I didn’t want to be seen.
My friend said that I am honest because I have no problem telling her when I am wrong or admitting what insecurity is motivating my behaviour. But the truth is, often I am embarrassed that I got caught up in something so stupid when I am wise enough to know better and I don’t want a lecture on something I am well aware of. It’s more pride, impatience and defensiveness than anything else – but what ever it is it allows me to learn, grow and move forward.
So how honest should you be? Perhaps the better word is “Authentic.”
It is important to be the real you. You don’t want to pour your concerns out on every passer-by (certainly not a potential client) and you definitely don’t want to blab the inner most secrets of your heart if it is going to damage the relationships around you. Care needs to be taken.
I am going to opt for authentic and wise honesty. My intention here is to aid you in your journey and to offer you a part of me in order to show you that it is OK to be vulnerable and just to be you- to simply say it as you see it.